The words of a Conservative man…

28 Sep

As many of you may already know, my last blog entry (The world of Online Dating…) was featured on the WordPress Freshly Pressed two days ago and since then my blog has received a ton of views.  Before diving into anything too complex, I’d like to say that I feel extremely honored and am so grateful for that, as well as for all of the visitors, commenters, new subscribers and friends that came along with it.

Now, somewhere amongst those visitors was a gentleman who happened to read a comment  left by a fellow blogger, Amee Bohrer, where she stated the following:

“Emily, I’ve been doing online dating off and on since college! It worked better for me when I was younger– possibly because that was before most people have really been burned and they were more optimistic and open. What I see now is a lot of guys that are either desperate to get married and have kids, or their profiles are so hateful towards women that it seems they just want to vent rather than actually date!”

Somehow that inspired him (Mr. Conservative, as Amee dubbed him) to write his own blog entry entitled, “People Should Mary Earlier”, where, in a very subtle way he basically explained that by the age of thirty she’s most likely missed her chances of finding a husband and bearing children.  Now, this is just my interpretation of what he said so I will let you judge for yourself:

“I’m told that a woman’s fertility starts to decline around age 27, and that at 35 it’s already down to half what it was at 25 (and half of that at 40).  Whether those are the precise numbers or not, a woman’s fertility certainly declines over time, and with it (think of it in evolutionary terms if you like) her attractiveness to men.”

Reading this really irked me, but nowhere near as bad as when I read the following:

“Women should convert to Christianity and stop sleeping around.  They’re actively working against their own interests and squandering a valuable, but very quickly depreciating, opportunity.”

I was blown away by this.  I am far from Conservative and even further away from devoting myself to any one religion.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not an Atheist by any means.  I do believe in a God, but I am the type to admire all religions at once and not just pick one.  They are all beautiful in their own right and I respect and admire everyone and their religion of choice.

He then continued with:

“If all women refused to fornicate (and if the Supreme Court allowed us to outlaw pornography, by the way), men would suddenly be much, much more interested in marriage. “

Furthermore, I could not hold back and had to leave a comment of my own:

“I can only speak from experience and observation, and I also can’t totally agree that getting married younger will make for a longer happier marriage.

Getting married at ANY age, young or old, to the RIGHT person is what will make one last.

When a person is young, they usually tend to act on impulse in the hopes of living a dream that society has implanted into our minds from the moment we were born. Unfortunately these same impulses don’t always lead us to making right decisions.

Not saying no one should get married young. Some people find their match fairly quickly in life, and hey, that’s great! But for the rest, it’s best to be picky and patient and not dive into an inevitable mess for the sake of bearing children.

If women refused to fornicate and porn was outlawed, sure more men would be willing to get married..but then again, wouldn’t a lot of them just be settling for the sake of having sex? And if that’s the case, wouldn’t that lead to more unhappy and/or totally failed marriages? I also believe removing that stimulation from men can lead to other problems like an increase in rape and possibly child molestation. A lot of creeps need to get their kicks somehow, and if they can’t get it online, they will get it some place else.

And a woman does not need to convert to ANY religion to make her a better person or for hopes of having a successful romantic relationship. She just has to do what is right for her and live her life as she will.

Love is the law, love under will.”

So, I know it’s a lot to read and will probably make most women upset or even uncomfortable, but I ask you to take the time and read Mr. Conservative’s blog entry and share your thoughts.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to opinions and view points, but I’m just curious to see what people (particularly other women) think of this particular view point.

Thanks for reading!
-Emily

P.S.  After the publishing of Mr. Conservative‘s blog entry, she too was inspired to write an entry entitle, ” Publicity! Or: How a Conservative Hater Made My Day!.”  Stop by and check it out.  She is an amazing writer and a new friend 🙂

27 Responses to “The words of a Conservative man…”

  1. nikkix2 September 28, 2011 at 11:32 am #

    I think Mr Conservative’s way of thinking is a little “old school”

    I am a 41yr old divorced lady, who married at the young age of 20. My exhusband and I came from families, where after highschool,,that was just what the next step was in life. Our mom’s were stay at home mom’s and our dad’s were the bread winners that supported the family financially.

    Divorce was not a option. You basically made your bed and if you made the wrong choice in who you decided to spend the rest of your life with,,,,you had to just deal.

    I can’t tell you how many nights I spent in my little bed, wishing that my parents’s got divorced, because of all the argueing I had to hear.

    9 years and 2 beautiful girls later, my ex and I decided that our marriage was not going to work,,,we argued often and didn’t want our girls to endure what we had to when we were growing up.

    8 years after our divorce, my ex and I are the best of friends, and in fact I am getting ready to move into his basement apartment!
    Our girls are well adjusted,,,and I have no regrets of having them early in life,,,because 5years ago,,,I found out that I am unable to have anymore children.

    I do go on the occasional date,,but I find at this point in my life,,,I am totally happy to be single and if I happen to find someone to grow old with,,than that will just be a added bonus!!

    • emilysixxrants September 28, 2011 at 12:10 pm #

      Beautifully said!

      My mother went through almost the same thing you did in regards to getting married at 20 and having children young. She too found herself in an unhappy marriage and after 9 years and two kids later (crazy, I know!), chose to divorce. My grandparents on both sides had also been together forever, but even with that kind of pressure, they knew that staying together would not be for the best.

      And you know what? Even at 6 years old, when my parents divorced, I understood that divorce was the best option for them. Sure, I cried a little at first, but once I started living in a nicer fight and abuse-free environment I was as happy as could be. And to this day, I still praise her for making the right decision.

      Unfortunately, I too ended up married at 20 and shortly after realized that I was falling into the same exact pattern. Needless to say, my choice to marry at that age was very juvenile and we did not work out. He and I are now friends and understand that it was for the best.

      I am now completely happy being single, because honestly, no one can love you more than you can love yourself. I do have dreams of some day getting married and starting a family of my own, but it is not something that I feel the need to rush. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way throughout my years of dating, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

      🙂

  2. bigsauce September 28, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

    Mr. Conservative is clearly a closeted homosexual prone to homophobic outbursts to disguise his desire for male flesh. The single common thread distilled down to what can be termed ‘basic-basic’ (for those scientology fans) that I’ve learned after decades of lending the sympathetic ear to hundreds if not thousands a women along the spectrum of the female gender, it is this: Walk Don’t Run from a man who wears his religion on his sleeve.
    He’s Trouble (capital T intended) and you will regret it. And ladies, when you give that 175 his walking papers, tell ’em thanks to Big Sauce !!!

  3. Unrelenting Amee September 28, 2011 at 2:57 pm #

    Emily, your post is gratifying. And Mr. Conservative said Feminism has failed us! 😉 I love that graphic with the pointing finger– that’s exactly how I felt yesterday, judged. Also, your headline is great! I will have to comment more later, but for now, I just wanted to say thanks for the solidarity.

    • emilysixxrants September 28, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

      Haha I thought you’d like that!

      Thanks! 🙂

    • unassumingpseudonym September 29, 2011 at 11:14 am #

      But it HAS failed some of us, and that really matters. Doesn’t it? I guess dominant culture is always reluctant to examine it’s negative effects, but feminists say they care about women. If that’s true, listen to the detractors of feminism. There are probably a lot more of them than you think. They’re women, too. Their experiences matter, too. They feel judged, too. They feel that women like you have treated them dismissively and condescendingly. Enjoy your solidarity, I guess, but, well, look–it’s solidarity in opposition to any validation of my experiences as a woman! (I don’t need your validation. I’ve come to be able to stand securely in myself as a woman, because I stopped listening to feminists and started listening to other people whose advice was much more helpful. All I’m saying is that I get the sense feminists say they want to validate female experiences, but only CERTAIN experiences.)

      It’s fine to stand for something, to say explicitly you think all women should think like you about this. That’s straightforward and I can respect that and take it seriously and argue with you about it. But that voice doesn’t speak for all women. Not even close! And it isn’t good for all women. And if you don’t think all women should think like you, then I think feminism ought to get a serious critical examination.

      • emilysixxrants September 29, 2011 at 11:58 am #

        Well, first off, I have never said that I am a Feminist. When it comes to these types of labels, I’m neutral. I am not for or against feminism. I am a woman doing my will and what I believe is right for me and nothing more. If me not agreeing with this man and me not being married by the age of 26 and being completely ok with that leads you to believe I’m a feminist, I don’t know what to tell you.

        And at no moment in my above post did I say that all women should think like me about this. What I said is the following:

        “So, I know it’s a lot to read and will probably make most women upset or even uncomfortable,I ask you to take the time and read Mr. Conservative’s blog entry and share your thoughts.

        There is no right or wrong when it comes to opinions and view points, but I’m just curious to see what people (particularly other women) think of this particular view point.”

        I really don’t know how that turned into me wanting every woman to think like me. I specifically asked others to share their view points and opinions on a neutral ground that understood that no opinion is a wrong opinion….lol Seriously…

      • unassumingpseudonym September 29, 2011 at 1:44 pm #

        Yeah, I guess I was responding to Amee (I tried to make sure I responded to her comment and not your reply to it), and to a lot of this discussion that’s been happening on other blogs. I wondered when I posted it whether it would be at all clear who I was writing to.

        It’s just that the high-fives and sisterly solidarity seem odd to me when I think the issue seems far from settled, when there really are girls who have been harmed by feminism. You did say that you wanted to hear other women’s thoughts. I really appreciated that.

        My thoughts are that Chillingworth is a refreshing breath of fresh air to me, an affirmation of what I feel is my healthiest identity, and an expression of concern for the ways society has made it hard for me and for a lot of my other single, female friends. I think he perceives very clearly some of the important ways that our society is broken and he has a genuine and earnest desire to fix it, which I find heartening.

        I think that consideration of opinions ought to get us closer to the truth, to figuring out what’s going on and what we can do better. Otherwise, why bother talking about anything, right? In a sense, there aren’t right and wrong opinions. But there are better and worse courses of action, more and less correct beliefs, better and worse results.

        We can’t very well end with, “I respect your opinion that you’ve been harmed by something.” Can we?

      • emilysixxrants September 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

        High-fiving and sister solidarity is a bad thing? We happen to agree with each others’ view points on this matter, and through this have created a nice Blogger-to-Blogger friendship. How does that have to revert to feminism? If I were a man and reacted the same way with her, I’m sure you’d just see it as some guy who agrees with her and probably not plant a label on me.

        I’m not going to argue that there have been women who have been harmed by feminism; with all things in life come good and bad. But I also can’t say that feminism is all bad though. Without it, well, there would be a lot of freedoms, rights and respect you currently enjoy that would not have ever been.

        In regards to there being a better and worse course of action, correct beliefs and better and worse results…Well, I understand what you are saying, and you’re not wrong. However, also consider that all of that is perceived differently from person to person. What one person may consider to be a worse result may be thought to be a better result by another, etc…

        I can only say thank you for having read my blog, taking the time to read the two that were tagged as well, and for sharing your opinion on the subject. Particularly because you are a woman and, unlike every other woman who has commented thus far, agrees with Mr. Conservative.

  4. nikkix2 September 28, 2011 at 3:26 pm #

    U go Amee,,,,i have only read your responses,,,and think your a great strong woman,,and, I am happy that you responded as honestly as you did!

    • Unrelenting Amee September 30, 2011 at 4:22 pm #

      Nikkix2, thanks for the warm fuzzy!! I felt a little ridiculous at times, to be honest. So thanks for the support– feminist or not– we girls gotta stick together. 🙂

    • Unrelenting Amee October 2, 2011 at 11:22 pm #

      Thanks so much, Nikkix!!

      That’s great to hear, it was a bit tough for me to be that honest. But if you got something out of it, this was all worth it!! 🙂 I hope you’ll keep reading us and comment again!!

  5. nikkix2 September 28, 2011 at 3:39 pm #

    Thanx Emily,,,I am glad I found your blog,,,,and I hope to be a great online friend!
    Cheers,
    Nikki!

  6. Patia September 28, 2011 at 4:18 pm #

    Down the rabbit hole I go. This great post led to Chillingworth’s post which will probably lead to Amee’s.

    Anyway, my favorite part of Chillingworth’s blog is: I understand that this was all supposed to be for women’s good—“liberate” them from benighted patriarchal obsessions with their “virtue” or “honor” so that they can have sex with whomever they feel like, just like men, and “liberate” them from early marriage and child rearing so that they can have fulfilling careers—but feminism has failed women.

    Gotta love the term “liberate” in quotes. I’m of two minds on his arguments:

    As a writer/blogger I am fascinated by this guy. I’m working on a book that explores if how men see god actually manifests in romantic relationships. His antiquated ideas seem to be very thoughtful (as in full of thought) and well-argued, and I’d love to talk to him about his own relationships.

    As a woman, however (an unmarried woman who occasionally engages in sexual activity w/o any intent to procreate or marry), his views seem to be reducing my life choices to heathenism and personal failure. It should be said that I found his post very respectful but still, the message is clear: In the eyes of God, I’m doing something wrong (my eggs, after all, a drying up every year). I am a single, childless, 27 year old woman, pursuing an artistic graduate degree and teaching. This life outside traditional gender expectations makes me extremely happy. So while as a writer I am intrigued, as a woman, I’m mildly offended.

    That said, I do believe that we, as a culture, support the prolonging of adult hood (though arguably, like gender, adulthood is a relative term and there is actually a movement to deem “quarter-life” an actual biological phase of development, much like adolescence).

    While I concede that there needs to be some sort of reexamination of cultural values, I don’t know if the solution to this is to go against some of our deep desires for freedom, suck it up and marry young. Nor do I think devoting myself to a Christian ideology does anything more than distract me from my personal aspirations (which, while it may or may not include constant fornication, are not ALL in direct opposition to Christian teachings).

    Overall, I appreciate the thoughtful and super interesting posts and comments by all involved.

    -P

  7. Muse Photos September 28, 2011 at 5:20 pm #

    OMG so then I must be a strange woman who is more attractive now to men at 35 with a kid than I have ever been. Sorry buddy, your theory is dead wrong. rethink and come back with a more intelligent answer. Thx ok Bye!

    • Unrelenting Amee September 30, 2011 at 4:23 pm #

      Muse, I really hope you tell this to Chillingworth. 😉 Prove ’em wrong!

  8. horny hot September 30, 2011 at 12:24 pm #

    Great post!

  9. Fristal Ann September 30, 2011 at 8:00 pm #

    Wow, what is it with people assuming that non-religious people are promiscuous, drug addicts and disrespectful? This entry made me so upset that I am forgetting how to type! Lucky for me, I will never have to deal with this man.

  10. Cynthia Bigrigg October 1, 2011 at 3:50 pm #

    BAM! What a way to follow up a Freshly Pressed post! I can’t believe people like this still exist in the world…I can’t decide whether I am offended or impressed that they still MANAGE to exist in the world.

  11. Jin roh October 2, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    Oh my God.

    Okay…

    Ummm… I’m speaking as a mainline, creedal, protestant with two degrees. Basically, I am a lay Christian with the education of a minister Youth groups and a Christian University have made me intimately familiar with the world of Christian dating and “family values” Christian conservationism… Here’s my take after thinking about for many years:

    The blanket, knee-jerk, prescription of young marriage is a BAD idea.

    The callous attitude of “Mr. Conservative” is part of the reason why I do not not endorse the young marriage policy. Such a viewpoint never considers why people might not marry when they are young. It is a consistent habit to implicitly or explicitly label late-20 singles and cohabiting couples as sinners who lack faith in God. Yet seldom do you hear people like actually describe WHY people choose to cohabitation or delay marriage. I’ve gone as far as to write on this subject in my own blog. The response I got from many single Christians, and even one non-Christian homosexual demonstrate the giant blind spot in the eyes of people like “Mr. Conservative.”

    Another big problem I have with Mr. Conservative’s response is that it seems (I stress seems) to elevate the nuclear family to very high pedestal. I ask Mr. Conservative this, like I ask all Christian Conservatives: does the Nuclear family serve God (and if it does, cite chapter and verse please), or does “the god” serve your nuclear family?

    The Bottom line is this: most people are not ready either financially or emotionally to get married young. It is really awesome when it happens, but there is no reason that it should it be a blanket, moral prescription. Christian Conservatives can argue for it all they want, but they will have little credibility until they fulfill “love your neighbor as yourself.” What does that mean is this case? It means look past your Nuclear Family. Find ways to provide the emotional, spiritual, and financial support to those you are in need. Sacrifice by sizing down your wedding of 200 so that a total stranger in your church can have a wedding 20. Listen to why people choose cohabitation and accuse them of sin only when they accuse themselves.

    And if following God makes you act like jerk, then I think you’ve misunderstood what God was telling you.

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