Until we meet again…

1 Apr

On March 10th, my cousin, Carlos Reyes lost his life at the young age of  28 in a tragic motorcycle accident.  People tend to automatically assume when there’s an accident involving a motorcycle that the cyclist is the one at fault, but this was not the case.  Carlos was swindled out of his life by a reckless driver in a car whose poor judgement also claimed the life of the passenger in the car (the driver’s wife) and still has the driver in a coma.

There are no words to properly justify the devastation this tragedy has caused our families.  Though Carlos was not at fault, there was a second innocent life lost in all of this and there is another family that is suffering the same pain we are.

Growing up, though I loved all of my cousins, I was always closest to Carlos and his brother Nick.  The two of them have always been my loves; I adore them and the ground they walk on; I always have.  They were my first friends and to this day, though at times we may be distant, we’d still do anything for each other.

Loosing Carlos has got to be the single most hardest thing I’ve ever had to experience in this life.  I always knew that I loved him, but I never realized just how much.  His departure had completely broken my heart, shattered my hopes and had left me with the deepest emptiness in my soul that I honestly lost all desire to continue.  Billie Holiday said it best in Gloomy Sunday, “Angles have no thoughts of ever returning you. Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?”  It wasn’t just my personal pain that made me feel this way.  It was having to see the pain in Nick, our grandmother and the rest of the cousins that was even more difficult.  And the worst of all, the thought of what was to happen to his son, Carlos Jr.

But after every storm there comes the sun.  I could never in a million years say that I am glad that Carlos lost his life; I would gladly give up my own for his return, but I can honestly say that I am grateful for the gifts he gave me when he left.  I’ve come to realize the things that truly matter in this life.  I had been given tiny glimpses of them before, through the loss of other loved ones, but never like this.  The person who I was up until the 10th, is not the person I am now.  And a family that was once segregated has now been reunited.

Before Carlos’ passing, I had only a handful of cousins and one Uncle left and now I have over 13 cousins, and after 14 years of my Aunt Raisa’s passing (Carlos & Nick’s mother) I have Aunts and I have Uncles; all that I knew when I was a young child, but never as a teenager or adult.  And now that I have them in my life again, you better believe that I’m never letting go.

The love and support that I have been able to give and receive from my immediate family and the newly discovered one is the only thing that has gotten me through this as sanely as I have.  We didn’t even know it, but we needed each other and for this, I thank Carlos from the bottom of my heart.

I’m well aware of the saying, “Time heals all wounds,” and maybe it’s so, but Carlos is not someone I will ever forget.  It’s still almost unreal to believe he’s not here anymore, but like Pink says in Who Knew?, “I’ll keep you locked in my head until we meet again.”

Thank you for everything Carlos. I love you, now and forever.

Carlos Rey Reyes
1.6.84 – 3.10.12

6 Responses to “Until we meet again…”

  1. theAntiELVIS April 1, 2012 at 11:16 am #

    I don’t know if time heals wounds, but it does make them meaningful and a part of the person you are. It sounds as if through a loss of one relative you may have regained many others. That has meaning.

  2. Mike Fitton April 1, 2012 at 12:57 pm #

    My deepest condolences to you and your family Emily. Time does heal some things and with family and friends close to you, it will make everything a bit better. Being there for them as they are for you, will be the best thing to help get through it 🙂 It definitely resonates with me and I understand your pain.. It brings some people closer together, and you find out the true meaning of friendships! Take care 🙂

  3. Kon Boogie April 1, 2012 at 6:50 pm #

    Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.

  4. twotiretirade April 1, 2012 at 9:57 pm #

    There seems to be such tragedy in the world. I can only hope that the love you felt for him can some how transcend its self and make this world a better place. Sorry for your loss.

  5. mercedesofelia1 April 6, 2012 at 8:09 pm #

    Emely I am Carlitos aunt (from the father’s side) I am married to his uncle.
    You made me cry today, what you wrote it was very special.
    I knew Carlito very well, he worked with my husband, and my husband was in back of him all time, the first call that I rececived every morning it was Carlos, Tia did I wake u up
    It was a terrible lost for us, and for every one that knew Carlos
    He dream of every one to be together, he was seeking always for love, he cared for everyone.
    Emely the only thing I will say to you Carlos is with with Mom, a person that loved so much and he lost her, now they are together. Raisa was a great person, a great Mom and she did a hell of a good job. Now they both watching over us

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