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Me Too

5 Oct

It’s been about a year now that the #MeToo movement has been going strong. In case you have been living under a rock, this movement is against sexual harassment and sexual assault. It’s used by mostly women (some men) in solidarity, sharing their stories of violation and some even exposing those who have wronged them.

When I first learned about his movement I didn’t know what to make of it. Part of me was happy to see this all happen, but part of me was almost scared and I didn’t know why. The more I read of brave women coming forward with their horror stories, the more thought I gave to the things that had happened to me in my life. And the deeper I dug into my own closet, the more I came to realize just how deep and dark that closet really was.

I came to learn more about my self and how I tick in this past year thanks to #MeToo. I realized that I was suppressing a lot of incidents and didn’t quite know how to face them. But in the end, I realized it all boiled down to one thing; Shame.

I have been a victim of sexual harassment, sexual assault and yes, rape. The harassment I didn’t seem to care too much about because growing up in South Florida, you honestly couldn’t step outside of your house without having someone cat call you in your own damn driveway. And it’s so sad that so many women, like myself, had become numb to it. The fact that sexual harassment was our norm is absolutely tragic.

As for the sexual assaults, I have had quite a few. I’ve experience it from both strangers and acquaintances alike. And the rape, well, once by someone I thought was my friend and the other by a man I was on a second date with. And it really wasn’t until recently that I came to terms with the fact that these two incidences were indeed rape. Mainly because both times I gave my consent, but not because I wanted to; I was afraid what would happen if I had insisted on the “No”. Because I knew that even if I had continued to say no, they would have had me anyway. Because it was better in my mind to just close my eyes and allow them to go through the motions than to experience the outright terror of the alternative.

But as a young woman in my early to mid twenties, still thinking rape was so black and white I couldn’t quite grasp the fact that it was what actually happened. I went through a mixture of feelings like denial, shame and even blaming myself for allowing me to be in those situations. You know, the lovely shit the patriarchy like to drill into the heads of females since birth! So I did what I thought was best; I placed these memories inside of a little box and push them deep inside my brain as best I could so as to forget.

There really is so much more to my story, but telling it in its entirety could really fill a book and I still, at this age and phase of my life, am not fully ready to disclose those details to anyone. But I will say that seeing other women step up for themselves has really inspired me. It has moved me in such a way to step outside of the patriarchal box I was living in for so long ad saying “Fuck you!” I’ve never been a feminist, ever, but these days I feel like I just might be on my way. I feel a lot more strongly about women’s rights and the straight up shit treatment we receive when it comes to sexual abuse.

I indeed have been part of the problem for so long and have been guilty of all kinds of horrible things like unfairly judging, slut and body shaming, and heck, even envy. But I have chosen to deprogram myself and I’m trying to live a better, more mindful life. I now feel a sense of solidarity with my fellow women and really want to work towards helping lift them up. That’s why #MeToo is so important. If there is one thing every single one of us women have in common, it is that at one point or another in our lives, we have experience something that allows us to say “Me too”. And we cannot let the movement die. We need to let everyone know that the time for bullshit is over. That we will no longer allow them to shame us into silence and that we matter. That we will raise our daughters to be strong where we were once weak, and to fight like there will be no tomorrow because #MeToo should end with us.

Thank you for taking the time to read this ever so personal post and feel free to share your own story in the comments! And if you don’t already, don’t forget to follow my blog on the upper right side of the page 🙂

With love,
Emily

Five Years Post-Florida!

4 Oct

It’s been over five years since I packed my bags and waved goodbye to Miami as I drove North to Atlanta. I was alone, didn’t have any friends or family in the area and I didn’t have a solid job. And though I hoped dearly that it would all work out for me, I was deathly afraid that I would fail the way I did when I attempted moving to Colorado and would have to end up coming back home with my tail tucked between my legs. Luckily, I quickly found a good job, made some new friends and met my now husband; Literally right away!

I’ve been reading over my past blog entries and I laugh a little at who I used to be. There was nothing wrong with who I was, I was just so different. I’ve grown and changed more in the past 5 years than I had in the 28 years it took for me to leave Miami! I used to be a a skinny, spunky, serial-dating party girl with no responsibilities (other than bills) and a passion for food blogging. Now I’m a 33 year old PC gaming wife and mother, overweight and arthritic, trying my best not to go postal at work! I won’t complain though, I do live a good life.

So, time for some news! We’ve recently decided to embark on a new adventure as a family and move to Savannah, GA! Once again there’s that bitter-sweet feeling when moving, but we believe it will be for the best. We needed a change of scenery and well, both Chase and River love the water, so it made sense. I hate that our winters won’t be nearly as cold, but maybe one day we will move up North or perhaps even out West; Anything is possible! For now, Chase and the rest of the family have made the move to Savannah already, but I’m staying behind in Atlanta until mid November to wrap some things up at my job. This billing master over here needs to train my new replacement to be as good as me, or at least somewhat! It’s tough being away from River during the week, but at least we have our weekends together.

I have missed blogging quite a bit, so I’m going to try my best to get back into it. I won’t make any promises as I have learned that the moment I give myself an expectation I will straight up sabotage myself and not do it. So I’ll post when I can and let you all know when I do. I’ll try to keep it just as entertaining as it was before, even though I’m old and boring now.

Thanks for reading!
-Emily

A Year Later & I Still Love It

8 Jun

May 4th marked my one year anniversary with Georgia. A lot has happened in that year, but I can safely say that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

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I’m Engaged!!!

10 Oct

Engaged

Yes, ladies and gentlemen!  Can you believe it?!  I almost can’t!

Just a few months ago I was still living in my mom’s house in Miami wondering if my life was going to start.  Now, I’m living in Atlanta with the man of my dreams, making the most amazing plans together.

I know it seems a bit quick to some;  Chase and I have only been together for four months.  But I will say, that in four months, we have grown closer to each other than some couples have in four years.  We get along so well, we have a lot of the same likes and similar thought processes, we have the same goals and we don’t fight.

I have to thank fate for bringing us together when it did.  I really was lost before I met him and I couldn’t be more grateful to have him in my life.  In this short time we’ve gone through quite a bit together and he has honestly become my best friend.  There is no one else I’d rather spend the rest of my life with than him.

Chase & Emily

Beep Beep!

13 May

I’ve always complained about driving in Miami.  It’s as if everyone on the road went to the very same “Drive Like a Dick” traffic school in order to get their licenses;  Taking red lights, no regard or respect for blinkers and violently cutting people off is the absolute norm within the city.  Don’t even let me get into what’s normal practice on the highways!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I recently moved out to Atlanta, GA.  Before coming out here a lot of people warned me about the traffic, saying it was going to be worse than Miami and bla bla bla.  Well, let me tell ya somethin’!  Those bozos were all wrong!

Yes, at “Rush Hour” times there is indeed a lot of traffic, however, for the most part, everyone here knows how to drive!  The speed lane is exactly that; where people drive if they want to go a little faster; As soon as you get a little too close to the person in front of you, they move off to the right and let you keep going.  And guess what?!  People here use and understand blinkers!  By George! I never thought I’d see the day where someone would actually slow down for me on the highway and let me get in front of them for simply putting on my blinker.  It feels like I’ve died and gone to Highway Heaven!

The only thing I have to give Miami the one up on is in the way they set up their streets; by numbers and cardinal directions.  Out in Atlanta everything is by name and there is no such thing as alphabetical order!  And they love to reuse names like Peachtree and Cobb and put them at completely different points of the city so that they can totally confuse you and make you think you know where you’re going, but you actually don’t.  Thank goodness for Google Maps!  I’d be stuck in a ditch without it!  But I’d gladly take using a GPS in a city with nice drivers over knowing where I’m going in the crap streets of Miami, any day!

::End Rant::

A New Chapter

11 May

Hello everyone! It has been almost a year since my last post, so firstly, I’d like to apologize for my silence.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I’d like to say that I am now a very happy resident of Atlanta, GA!  I will definitely miss a lot of people in Miami, but I feel like this move was the best one for me.

I also would like to say that I plan to start writing again so get ready!  The rants will definitely start rolling in soon!

Much Love!
-Emily

P.S. I’m all better from that concussion! haha

The Big Bang!

5 Jul

If you follow me on any other social network, you probably already know that I suffered a nasty concussion on Sunday.  However, I’ve yet to go into true detail about what happened and all of the confusion around it.

My boyfriend, Rene, lives in NY, but when he was last in town I was able to meet his family who I now love as if they were my own.  So even though he’s far away, last Sunday I went out to Elliot Key with his family on their boat.  We had a really great time and even made plans to return on the 4th of July since everyone was going to be off of work, but everything changed on the way back to the Marina.

I was standing up on thElliot Key with Rocioe way back, holding on to a metal pole, chatting with Aunt Betty.  The ocean was very calm and flat that day so the ride wasn’t rough at all, but thanks to a fellow boater, we got hit with a wake and then suddenly, BANG!  I don’t recall the actual impact or the pain right after, but I do remember Betty holding up one of the legs to my sunglasses, which had shattered right off of my face and everyone telling me I had to go sit down while I kept saying that I was fine.

The next thing I remember is Lauren, Rene’s sister, pulling up to my driveway in my car, dropping me off at home.  I remember getting out of the car and waving bye to her and the family in their truck.  Then the next thing I recall is giving my uncle the keys to my car so he could repark it, him asking me if I was “Drunkiepooh” and me saying yes.

Next thing you know it’s Midnight and I wake up in my bed with a massive migraine, wrapped in a towel, with another towel on my head, thinking “WTF??”

I woke up the next morning, after 15 hours of sleep, thinking I had blacked out from alcohol, even though I only remembered drinking 3 beers, which is child’s play to me.  I got ready and went to work, driving really afraid and with a hazy mind and vision that was a bit off.  I felt like crap and I didn’t know why.  I called my mom and had difficulty expressing myself, like I had a delay in my speech. I wrote an email to Rene’s mom apologizing for having been trashed and if I misbehaved in any way, but she responded almost confused with why I had sent that.  She said I had barely drank at all and that I was far from drunk.  That I was totally ok, but she had Lauren drive my car for me because of my hit to the head;  And that’s when it all made sense.Ice pack at hospital

I called my doctor’s office and they had told me to get there as fast as I could so my mom left work at took me there.  I had no idea how bad this all was until I was at the doctor’s office and the Nurse ran out to get the Doc mid-story in a bit of a panic.  He explained to us how my “drunken” behavior was a neurological reaction to the impact and suggested I go to the ER to get a CT Scan due to fear that I could have some swelling or bleeding in the brain.

Thank goodness there was none of that and I was able to go home, but not without being prescribed some major pain killers and with orders to rest and not even attempt driving until Saturday.  I just feel extremely lucky that I made it through everything without any major damage.  Many people have died from these kinds of incidents so for that I’m grateful.  Now I just need to make sure to be extra careful whenever I go on the boat again and stay far away from metal poles!  No more concussions for me!