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Hoops is no slam dunk

22 Apr

I originally wrote this review on Yelp and gave them one star:

I wanted to like Hoops soooooo bad, but it just didn’t happen!

I went to Hoops for the first time with a few of my coworkers last Thursday to have some food and drinks before the Heat game.  My first impression of this sports bar/restaurant on a decor standpoint was fantastic.  On just this alone the potential was magnificent, but then I ordered a drink.  I asked the Server for a Patron Margarita with sugar on the rim instead of salt, but when my drink came and I placed my poor lips against that glass for a sip, my mouth was invaded by an army of disgusting red salt that almost knocked me off of my chair.

I didn’t get upset because I understand that mistakes can happen, but did inform the Server of the error.  She was very apologetic and told me “Don’t worry, I’ll have them remake it.”  I thought that was nice and eagerly awaited my replacement drink, but little did I know that it was going to come back worse than before.  Not only was there still salt on the rim the second time, but they didn’t remake  my drink!  They just poured it into the new glass, transferring the red salt with the drink mixture, turning my once yellow margarita into a pink salty nightmare.

Again, I kept my cool and smiled as I asked the Server to please have my drink redone and to just forget about the sugar all together.  Again she was very apologetic and actually brought it back right on the THIRD try.

My story doesn’t end here though. I actually ordered food; or at least I attempted to.  I asked the Server for a burger with just cheese, bacon and lettuce.  I specifically told her I didn’t want onion, tomato or pickles on there, but figured if it made it onto my burger I would just pull that stuff off myself; No biggie right?

Well, when my burger came it did not have bacon and the cheese was melted OVER the onions and tomatoes so I could not pull them off without loosing all of my glorious cheese.  Once again I let the server know, and once again she was apologetic and took it back to the kitchen. Ten minutes later she comes back with my burger.  At this point I’m so damn hungry I didn’t really look carefully before I cut it in half and was about to put it in my mouth.  But right before I bit into it, I noticed that it did not have cheese, and that’s when I had finally had it!

How is it possible for an establishment to screw up my order so many times?!  There were errors on the bartender’s side, the kitchen’s side and mostly at fault here was the server for not double checking my stuff before bringing it out to me!

I ended up sending my food back and telling her to take it off of my bill.  My coworker shared her turkey club with me, which thanks to her and her alone is the only reason why I didn’t starve that night.

I really don’t think I will be returning to Hoops, which is a big shame because it had so much potential.  The only reason why I’m OK with giving this place one star is because it really was a beautiful venue.  Like I said before, I really wanted to like this place, but they failed me miserably.

South Florida Food Trucks; The Best of the Best

17 Jan

Anyone that knows absolutely anything about me knows that I am a foodie.  I’m not just any foodie though, I am a Food Truck fanatic!  You can often find me in the parking lot of a Church (though I’m not religious), park (though I’m not in any sports team) or auto mall (though I’m not in the market for a new car) all in the name of the mighty food lords.

That being said, I have put together a list of a few of my personal favorite food trucks (judging from the ones I have eaten from so far) and what menu items have justified me driving sometimes over 40 miles just to have them.

B.C. Tacos: The Gatherer

Many-a-nights have I dreamt of a cave man feeding me tacos atop a pile of metal and rubber.  B.C. Tacos is indeed to blame for this horrible yet awkwardly sexy fantasy of mine.  You have your choice of soft or hard shell, stuffed fried avocado, lettuce, mozzarella cheese and topped with chipotle mayo.  Though quite simple, The Gatherer is no such thing to the palate.  Do not attempt tasting such magnificence unless you are 100% ready to commit yourself to a foodlationship.

Slow Food Truck: The Green Burger

Slow food is amazing, but even better when it’s served quickly without sacrificing an ounce of quality and flavor.  The food I’ve had from Slow Food Truck is beyond Nomtastic, but I have to say that I particularly love their Green Burger.  What’s a Green Burger you ask?  Well, it’s nothing more than lean ground beef cooked to your liking, topped with bacon, avocado, grilled queso fresco, mixed greens and a cilantro-lime aioli, all housed in a wheat bun.  To die for?  You better believe it!

The Flying Saucer: El Cubanito Sliders

The Flying Saucer had to have been named in reaction to their El Cubanito Sliders because these babies are out of this world!  The sliders are topped with Swiss cheese, chorizo, potato sticks, and their Guavalicious sauce.  All this glory served on mini potato rolls.  I could be having the worst day, but my mood shifts and my happiness levels instantly shoot through the roof whenever I see this truck in a lineup.

Porkalicious: Loaded Baked Potato Cakes

This truck’s name pretty much says it all and being the bacon lover that I am, my heart skipped a beat the first time I saw it.  Though seemingly harmless, these Loaded Baked Potato Cakes can really pack a punch of incredible flavor.  Potato patties with bacon, cheddar cheese, sour cream and green onions, breaded with Panko and served with a buttermilk ranch dipping sauce.  I don’t quite know what other way to describe it to you than by using another made up adjective like “fantastical.”  Porkalicious rocks my world!

CoolHaus: Dirty Mint Ice Cream

And of course, what better way to end a meal than with dessert?  One of my absolute favorite flavor pairings is mint and chocolate, so of course Coolhaus’ Dirty Mint is what I’ve grown more than fond of.  Now, this mint chocolate ice cream is quite different from all the rest.  It’s gourmet and made with real mint leaves.  It’s like nothing I’ve ever tasted before!  But that’s not all!  It comes sandwiched in your cookie of choice and handed to you in an edible potato paper.  Who needs a man when you’ve got Coolhaus?!  Am I right?!

 

If you’re an owner or employee of a South Florida food truck and do not see yours listed above, it does not mean that I don’t like your food. It simply means that I have either yet to try yours out or you fell victim to me having to cut this list short for the sake of the average person’s attention span.

I’d like to feature South Florida food trucks on a monthly basis. What dish are you most popular for? I’d love to try it and share it with the world!  Send me a message at emilysixxrants@gmail.com if you’d like to be featured in a future entry.

It is my goal to try at least one item off of every South Florida food truck’s menu. This won’t be an easy task, meaning that I will actually have to put my gym membership to use, nor will it be cheap, but I believe each truck deserves a fair chance at impressing these magnificent taste buds!

Thanks for reading!  Make sure to subscribe so you’re always up to date with my foodventures!

-Emily Sixx

Dear Mr. Seductive

17 Oct

A  friend of mine recently introduced me to a website called iSeduceWomen.com.  Now, when she first told me the site’s name I thought “What the in the…” and of course I had to go check it out for myself.  The site is just one page, very clean and very simple. It describes itself as being “For the man who digs women. From a woman who digs women.”

Not yet intrigued?  It continues to read “Seduction is not about sex.  Seduction is not simply a carnal venture.  It’s about appreciating, celebrating, and reveling in a woman on every level and in every way.”

So of course I signed up for the mailing list and since then have been receiving daily messages from a  Mr. Craven Moore with advice on none other than the art of seducing women.  And I must admit, every day I grow more and more intrigued with this said Craven Moore.

“Dear Mr. Seductive,

Be patient.

Seduction isn’t about sex.  It’s about pleasure.

Pleasure in sexual tension.  Pleasure in stalking your prey.  Pleasure in waiting patiently for the kill.

Take your time.  Point out how much you love the building tension.  Move in close, but let her come to you.”

What?!?!  This is so sexy!!!!

“Dear Mr. Seductive,

Gauge her naughty level.
If she’s proper, don’t be insulting.  If she’s a freak, be REALLY freaky.

Dare to be different.
Have tricks up your sleeve.

Do something to her that NO ONE has ever done before.
She’ll tell your friends (and hers) about it.

How far are you willing to go to be a legend?”

I for one will not be using this information to try to seduce women because I am a man-lover to a fault.  But I can most definitely say that I love this idea and I think every man should be reading these little bits of advice.  I don’t necessarily agree with all of them, but they are, for the most part, pretty on point.

“Dear Mr. Seductive,

Make sure she knows how hot she is.

Infuse her with confidence.  The more attractive she feels, the more she’ll want to take her clothes off.”

Need I say more?  I think not! Spread the knowledge ladies.  Let’s get these men back on track!

You’re welcome!
-Emily Sixx 😉

The world of online dating…

25 Sep

Like most things that were once considered to be taboo, online dating is now old hat.  However, as socially accepted as it now is, there are still a lot of naysayers who love to bash the concept and  try to convince you that it’s still as dangerous and ineffective as it was in the 90’s.

Personally, I’ve been online dating for a few years now…Actually, come to think of it, the first time I ended up dating someone I met online was when I was 17.  Now, at 26, I can say that I’ve definitely learned the ins and outs of online dating and can genuinely see all of the pros and cons, from an experienced point of view.

Argument #1:  You never know if what they are telling you online is true!

This is definitely correct.  There really is no way of knowing if what these people are telling you online is true or not.  But then again, that guy/girl you met at the bar last night could quite possibly be just as creative and insincere as the person you just met online.  It’s a gamble either way!  You just need to be aware of this, stick to your gut instincts and keep track of the things this person tells you.  Over time ask the same questions again and see if you get consistent answers.  Consistency is key!

Argument #2:  A lot of people post fake pictures or really old pictures from when they were younger and better looking!

Again, this can also be true, and thanks to this I’ve learned to NEVER meet a potential  date in person until you’ve managed to get a totally recent photo of them.  You can do this like so: After you’ve shared enough emails and feel like you quite possibly could connect on a deeper level, give them your phone number but tell them to only text you.  After a few texts, ask them what kind of phone they have.  Once you’re assured their phone model has a camera (because some people lie and say their phones don’t have cameras) ask them to take a picture of themselves and send it to you right then and there.  Make it funny though, so that they don’t feel like you’re playing too hard of an investigator.  Ask them to hold 3 fingers up in the photo or to hold a piece of paper up with a funny word on it so you know that it is absolutely recent and shot just for you.  Once you’re assured they are the same person you saw online and that they’re not actually 10yrs older or 100lbs heavier and you still feel that good vibe, then go ahead and give them a call and go from there.  If they in any way avoid taking a recent picture for you, suggest web caming, and if they still can’t follow through DROP THEM!

Argument #3:  How do you know they are seriously looking for a relationship and not just sex?

There’s no way of knowing what is going on in anyone’s head.  This goes for both the people you meet online and the people you meet in person by chance.  One thing I can say from experience is, if what you’re looking for is a relationship, you should probably weed out the lower quality websites.  Most men wont pay a fee on sites such as Match.com or eHarmony if they aren’t seriously seeking a partner.  From personal experience I’ve noticed that people on paid websites have much better quality profiles, where they express themselves and what they are looking for in a much deeper level.  They also tend to be more picky themselves and move a little slower in regards to when they want to meet you in person.  I’ve also noticed that these men tend to be the higher quality dates and are a lot more respectful and even understanding if you later feel that you guys just don’t connect on that level.

Free dating sites such as POF (Plenty of Fish) are a complete free-for-all.  It doesn’t cost anything so anyone can join and not think twice about what the site is actually supposed to be for.  You may occasionally come across a person that is genuinely seeking a serious relationships, but the all around number and quality of emails I’ve received there  all lead me to believe that this site is a little more for the men and women who would much rather have a casual encounter of the sexual kind.

Argument #4: If they found you online who’s to say they wont meet other people online while you’re together?

The chances of these men/women cheating on you are just as high as any other.  Just because you didn’t meet someone online doesn’t mean they don’t know how to use the internet.  All people pose the same threats and we’re all facing the same risks when entering into a new relationship.  Welcome to the world of dating!  It’s life!  Sometimes you find a good one, sometimes you don’t!

**An added benefit for women**

For the most part, we have all been raised thinking that men have to be the initiators in a courtship and have thick enough skin (for the most part) to withstand rejection.  One thing I can honestly say that is a definite bonus to online dating (for both sexes) is that women have become more daring and have been taking on the initiator role as well.  Where a woman would be too embarrassed to approach a man in person or just be extremely terrified of rejection, they feel a lot more safe in doing so online.  Instead of facing public humiliation, at worst they may receive an email saying “Thanks, but I don’t think you’re really my type” or their advance may be ignored. No harm, no foul! No embarrassment and no hurt feelings!

So, to summarize everything stated above, online dating can indeed be risky, but not more or less than meeting someone while out and about or through friends.  It does come with it’s own warning label, but if you play your cards right and keep your wits about you, you will be just fine.  If you’ve been thinking about joining an online dating site and have been afraid, don’t be.  Give it a shot!  You never know who you may meet on there who’s path you may have never crossed in person otherwise.

Brownes & Co…No wonder you’re now CLOSED!

14 Sep

I originally wrote this review on Yelp back in January.  Turns out they are now closed.  I wonder why!….Enjoy!

They get ONE star because the receptionist was nice to me over the phone. How about that??

I payed $99 on Couptessa for their Keratin treatment special, valued up to $400; and with the length of my hair, I know mine would normally cost $300-$400 to treat, so I’m thinking “What a deal!” F***in’ A was I wrong!

Lets start off with the appointment process. Anyone who has purchased a coupon has to make their appointment through their website. Simple enough? Not in the least…But I’m not going to bother bitching about this.

The real issue lies in their false advertisement and horrible service. I called while I was looking for parking to find out how much time should I put into my parking meter. When I told the receptionist that I have long hair and I was going in for Keratin, she said “Oh…at least 4 hours”, which is what I already had expected because my hair stylist friends all told me it should take about that long for me.

Long story short, the girl finished my hair in less than 2 hours, and was short at least one step that I know of in the Keratin process. She explained to me that my hair should be frizzless and almost totally straight after I wash it out in 2 days (and I waited 3 because that’s what everyone else had told me to do). When I turned in my coupon the girl at the front tells me “This service would have normally been $400 without this coupon. Just so you know…for tipping purposes”…Uhh How could that have cost $400 when it was a little over an hour and half?? I know they are supposed to charge for the product and then an hourly rate for the hairdresser. Where the F**k did they get that number from?? And I’m a bartender so I think I know a thing or two about tipping..which I did, but now I regret it.

3 days later I wash my hair and wait to see the magical difference…WTF? Nothing changed! Nothing at all! It’s as if I hadn’t done ANYTHING to my hair at all. It was all a waste of money, time and effort. And Couptessa doesn’t offer a satisfaction guarantee like Groupon does so I’m totally f**ked.

Screw Brownes & Co…this place is pathetic.

The Burgundy Room poisoned me!!!!

8 Sep

I originally wrote this review on Yelp back in June….Enjoy!

I went there on a Saturday evening with some friends to have a few drinks before going to a club later in the night. My friends all had beer and I had a total of two Lemon Drop Martinis. I had specifically asked the waitress to please have them made with Grey Goose and she assured me that they would. I noticed while drinking them that they tasted a little off, but I just thought it was maybe the way they made the lemon drops; Every bartender at every venue makes it differently.

I’m not a stuck up person. I don’t ask for top shelf liquor for the taste, nor to feel cool spending more money on my alcohol. I ask for top shelf because if I have anything less than that I get extremely sick.

Well, after those two drinks we decided to head out and guess who got sooooo sick on just two drinks that they had to go home?! Meeee! I literally blacked out! I used to be a bartender myself so I KNOW how to drink. Just the weekend before I had 8 Margaritas and 2 shots and was perfectly fine that night AND the next day. But this time it was different. I felt soooooo sick the next day. I tasted the vodka and I had the worst hangover of life. It totally ruined the rest of my weekend.

What was given to me was NOT Grey Goose. It must have been the dirtiest of their dirty well vodka. So either the bartender thought, “What the heck, this is for a table and they can’t see me so let me give them the cheap shit” OR their “Grey Goose” bottles are married with Crystal Palace or McCormick vodka, but I was indeed charged for the good stuff.

I suffer from on and off Gastritis and I cannot have this kind of stuff happening to me. I literally feel like I was poisoned! I will NEVERRRRR EVERRRR go back there again and I will most definitely shout out from the rooftops how completely atrocious this place is.
The Burgundy Room
3015 Grand Ave
Ste 250
Miami, FL 33133