Tag Archives: dating

The Big Bang!

5 Jul

If you follow me on any other social network, you probably already know that I suffered a nasty concussion on Sunday.  However, I’ve yet to go into true detail about what happened and all of the confusion around it.

My boyfriend, Rene, lives in NY, but when he was last in town I was able to meet his family who I now love as if they were my own.  So even though he’s far away, last Sunday I went out to Elliot Key with his family on their boat.  We had a really great time and even made plans to return on the 4th of July since everyone was going to be off of work, but everything changed on the way back to the Marina.

I was standing up on thElliot Key with Rocioe way back, holding on to a metal pole, chatting with Aunt Betty.  The ocean was very calm and flat that day so the ride wasn’t rough at all, but thanks to a fellow boater, we got hit with a wake and then suddenly, BANG!  I don’t recall the actual impact or the pain right after, but I do remember Betty holding up one of the legs to my sunglasses, which had shattered right off of my face and everyone telling me I had to go sit down while I kept saying that I was fine.

The next thing I remember is Lauren, Rene’s sister, pulling up to my driveway in my car, dropping me off at home.  I remember getting out of the car and waving bye to her and the family in their truck.  Then the next thing I recall is giving my uncle the keys to my car so he could repark it, him asking me if I was “Drunkiepooh” and me saying yes.

Next thing you know it’s Midnight and I wake up in my bed with a massive migraine, wrapped in a towel, with another towel on my head, thinking “WTF??”

I woke up the next morning, after 15 hours of sleep, thinking I had blacked out from alcohol, even though I only remembered drinking 3 beers, which is child’s play to me.  I got ready and went to work, driving really afraid and with a hazy mind and vision that was a bit off.  I felt like crap and I didn’t know why.  I called my mom and had difficulty expressing myself, like I had a delay in my speech. I wrote an email to Rene’s mom apologizing for having been trashed and if I misbehaved in any way, but she responded almost confused with why I had sent that.  She said I had barely drank at all and that I was far from drunk.  That I was totally ok, but she had Lauren drive my car for me because of my hit to the head;  And that’s when it all made sense.Ice pack at hospital

I called my doctor’s office and they had told me to get there as fast as I could so my mom left work at took me there.  I had no idea how bad this all was until I was at the doctor’s office and the Nurse ran out to get the Doc mid-story in a bit of a panic.  He explained to us how my “drunken” behavior was a neurological reaction to the impact and suggested I go to the ER to get a CT Scan due to fear that I could have some swelling or bleeding in the brain.

Thank goodness there was none of that and I was able to go home, but not without being prescribed some major pain killers and with orders to rest and not even attempt driving until Saturday.  I just feel extremely lucky that I made it through everything without any major damage.  Many people have died from these kinds of incidents so for that I’m grateful.  Now I just need to make sure to be extra careful whenever I go on the boat again and stay far away from metal poles!  No more concussions for me!

I’m no one’s second choice!

3 Nov

**All names have been changed to protect identity**

Quite some time ago while I was actively searching for love on Match.com, I received a really amazing email from an Indian man named Sayeed.  It was a little longer than I like my icebreakers to be, but he was so well written, talked about a lot of the things I had mentioned on my profile and said just enough about himself to really intrigue me.  I checked out his profile and he seemed pretty interesting, but when it came down to his photos, I just couldn’t tell if I’d be physically attracted to him or not.

After a bit of thought, I decided I’d wait a few days to respond because I already had a date planned for the following evening with a Bavarian man, named Aldric.  I wanted to see what would come of our first date before initiating anything with Sayeed.

The day of,  Aldric suggested that we meet at a place called Green Street Cafe in Coconut Grove, and even though I didn’t really like the venue due to it’s pretentiousness and yuppie customer-base I agreed.  You can’t say I’m not a good sport!

Being the only Cuban in Miami not running on Cuban Time, I arrived early and sat at a table on the outside and ordered a drink while I waited for Aldric to arrive.  As I sat there I couldn’t help but notice a man standing at the bar in front of me.  He had a deep tan, gorgeous long wavy hair and was dressed up in a sexy suite.  For a while I could only see part of his face, but when he turned around I nearly choked on my drink !  It was Sayeed, and he was beautiful!!!

Now, the longer I waited the more I worried about Sayeed recognizing me and totally ruining my date with Aldric, but after a little while I realized what was really going on here.  He wasn’t going to notice me at all!   He was acting very nervous and kept looking around.  He brushed his hair with his hands repeatedly and kept looking at his phone….Yup!  He was there waiting for a date as well!

Sayeed’s date arrived a little before Aldric did so of course I had to scope her out.  She too was from India and was incredibly beautiful. I couldn’t hate!  They actually made a really cute couple.

Aldric eventually arrived and we had our date.  He was really sweet and it went well enough for me to agree to a second date, but now my eyes were setting on Sayeed as well.  I had to meet him!  I had to see what he was all about!

The next day I decided to respond to Sayeed’s email without making any mention of Green Street .  We went back and forth for a while and eventually moved on to the phone. We hit it off and in time, decided to meet each other in person.  On this date, however, I called the shots on the location and decided we’d meet at Transit Lounge.  For those of you not familiar with Transit (which is now closed) it was the coolest dive bar/live music venue in Miami.

Once again, I was the first one there, but this time I did not run into any other Match.com-ers.  At one point in the night, I did bring up the Green Street story and we had a great laugh.  Turns out that was his first date through Match.com and he was beyond nervous.   In the end, Sayeed and I  hit it off quite well and before getting into my car, I agreed to see him again.

A few days passed and we continued to chat, but no solid plans were made for the second date.  , Sayeed finally sent me a message saying that he had decided to take the other girl seriously and could no longer see me, but wanted to remain friends.  Of course, that was fine by me.  If it’s not meant to be, I am not one to force it!

However, two weeks later, Sayeed reached out to me again.  Turns out that after he decided to get serious about the other girl, she decided to get serious with someone she had met before him!  He now wanted to see if I’d like to go on our second date!  Hahahhaa!  As if I’d totally allow myself to be someone’s second choice!  My response was “Thanks, but no thanks. ”

And then I called up Aldric.

How I Became an Online Dating Addict

20 Oct

This week, instead of giving you the 101′s and ABC’s of online dating, I’d like to take a different approach and share my story with you; The reason behind why I became so enthralled with it all and why it works for me.  And in order to do so, I must start from the beginning:

As a senior in high school I was quite the character, to say the least.  I was an Honor Roll student, 1st Lieutenant in the JROTC, crazy about live Punk and Ska shows and addicted to the internet.  I don’t quite recall how I came across my first online dating site, but I do remember what it was called; “Face The Jury.”

On this site you would post photos of yourself with a short bio and other members would judge you on a scale of 1-10.  Personally, my score always ranged between an 8 and 8.4 (pats self on back).  I don’t believe that FTJ was ever a traditional online dating site, but it is indeed how I met my first internet crush.  Obviously, I don’t really need to go into much detail to say that we did not quite work out, but we are still very close friends to this day and I do not regret one second of it.

Shortly after that experience I was introduced to Myspace (another non-traditional online dating site) and little by little I started making new virtual friends and meeting them in person.  I dated a few of them, again nothing really worked out in the long run, but my experience there was just a warm up for what was in store for me in the future.

It wasn’t until a few years later that I really started to get hooked.  Up until then, I saw online dating as a reliable source, but by no means was it my priority since I would go out several times a week and party like a mad woman.  I would meet men in person everywhere I’d go thanks to my “life of the party” attitude and being an extreme extrovert.  But this all would soon change.

I’ve always been the type of person who’d jump around from industry to industry, earning me a very diverse resume, but in 2009 my career change went from one extreme to another.  I went from being a Trusted Agent with Homeland Security to becoming a Bartender.

Bartending was something I had always been interested in and as soon as I became certified I landed an excellent job at an Irish Pub.  I worked Thursday – Monday nights and only had Tuesdays and Wednesdays off.  Of course all of my friends had normal jobs and stayed in on my nights off and I refused to date any customers, so my chances of meeting men in person went down-hill.

What was a girl to do??  Well, this girl jumped back onto the Online Dating Wagon and joined Match.com (for the third time, but this time I went in for the kill)!  As soon as I joined my inbox was full of emails from men complimenting me, asking me out on dates and some even borderline professing their love for me.  Of course, I milked this to the extreme.  I was getting to know men from all walks of life and from all over the world; Cuba, Venezuela, Italy, Bavaria,  Austria, India, and much, much more.

I immediately started going on dates on my days off or before my shifts started on the weekends.  On a slow week I’d go on two dates, but my average was four to five dates a week, all with different men.

Now, I know some of you must be thinking “What a little slut.”  Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but that would be far from the case.  Sure I was talking to and dating multiple men at once, but most of them did not make it past that first date, and even less made it past a second.

So, with such little success, why did I continue to date this way?  Well, I saw it as a game of numbers.  If you go on enough dates, you’re bound to meet at least one man that could shine and stand out amongst the others; Aside from the fact that it was just all around fun and exciting.

Mass online dating also helped me figure out exactly what kind of man/qualities I’m looking for.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those girls who walks around with an unrealistic checklist entitled, “The Perfect Man”.  There is no such thing as perfect, but dating at high volumes did help me narrow it down to the most important traits in a short amount of time and help me realize that I should never settle for anything less than what I know I deserve.  And I’d much rather be single and happy than to be in a relationship with someone I know is not 100% meant for me.

Once again I find myself single and with a complicated schedule.  This time I am able to meet men on the random if I wanted to since I have weekends off.  However, I have now become really stand-offish when it comes to meeting men at bars and other public places. I honestly do prefer the method of reading a profile and getting an insight on them before engaging in conversation.

It’s like skipping through the B.S. of first impressions.  Your first impression for me is what you have to say for yourself to the world; a general insight on you.  Not what you think I might want to hear according to where you meet me, what I’m wearing and/or what I’m drinking.

online dating is what I’m most comfortable with, and has yielded the best results for me.  It’s something I enjoy and don’t plan on quitting any time soon…Unless I meet my Prince Charming, of course!  Until then, I’m hooked and it can only be to your benefit!

This entry was originally posted by me at Singles Warehouse

Online Dating 101: Safety First!

13 Oct

The arguments against online dating are numerous, to say the least, but the most common one I hear about has to do with a woman’s safety.  And as much as I’d like to say otherwise, unfortunately that’s an argument that will not be going away any time soon thanks to our fear-driven media and society.

Could it be that the thirty year old Chiropractor you’ve been chatting with for the past month might actually be a fifty-seven year old ex-convict with a taste for blood?  Anything is possible! But I believe it is much more likely to look out the window right now and find John Cusack holding up a Boombox playing “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel.

Did you look?? No Cusack Boombox serenade? I thought so!

Now, I’m not saying to throw caution to the wind and not take any precautions when meeting someone in person for the first time.  You most definitely need to be careful and I would like to share a few tips with you in order to make your first physical encounter a safe one.

Tip #1: Make sure you have a recent photo

Before even agreeing to meeting anyone in person, you need to be positive that they are who they claim to be on a physical level.  Make sure to have them send you a photo through their phone doing something you’ve requested, like making them stand in a particular pose or holding up a piece of paper with your name on it.  If they claim the camera on their phone doesn’t work suggest they web cam with you. If they cannot do either, I would suggest not moving forward with the date.

Tip #2: Meet in a public place

Always make sure that your first date with anyone you meet online is in a public place; mall, bar, restaurant, etc.  Whichever one you do, make sure it’s somewhere relatively busy where there will be a lot of eyes.  No matter how cool a person may seem via email or over the phone, do not ever go to their house or one of their friends’ parties or anything of the sort before you really know who they are.  Though some men may be great actors, for the most part your gut instinct and the chemistry you may or may not share with that person will be able to guide you in deciding whether or not that can happen on a future date.

Tip #3: Cover your steps and have a back-up plan

Never go off on a first date of the online kind without letting someone know where you will be.  Advise someone of the exact location, time, the name of the person you’re meeting, and if possible send that someone a picture of your date.  You can never be too sure and it’s always better to be safe than sorry.  You may also like to consider having a back-up plan. Let this person know that if you text them with the safety word (i.e. “Turtle”) that it is their cue to call you in a panic and demanding you come help them out with something immediately.

Tip #4: Always carry protection

For the ladies with a dirty mind, no, I am not talking about condoms!  Even though that is something you should always carry, you should not be getting down and dirty on your first date!

What I am talking about here is personal protection; Pepper Spray, Pocket Knife, Taser, or whatever is legal in your part of town.  Personally, I’ve always carried pepper spray on me.  It’s on my key chain and ready to rumble if there is ever a need for it.  Granted, in the seven years that I’ve made this part of my attire (and I do replace them frequently for freshness sake), I have never had to use it.  I’ve come close, but it’s never had to be done.

At the end of the day, ladies, we all need to be careful.  Never assume that anyone can be trusted until they have earned your trust.  Following each of these steps will definitely assure your safety, which is key.  Whether or not the date is an overall success is totally up to your chemistry and the powers that be!

This entry was originally posted by me at Singles Warehouse

I’m officially a writer for an Online Dating Blog!

5 Oct

After my previous entry (The world of online dating…) was featured on the WordPress Freshly Pressed section my blog has received more views and followers than I could have ever imagined in such a short period of time.

Along with that came  an offer from a very lovely woman named Samantha, who is the content manager for an online dating blog in the UK called SinglesWarehouse.  She asked if I’d be interested in contributing to their blog as a guest writer and I accepted. Shortly after submitting my entry she asked if I’d be interested in writing for them permanently and again, I most definitely accepted.

So now, I’d like to ask you all to please take a moment to read my first article for the Singles Dating blog entitled, Online Dating 101: Should I answer his email? and let me know what you think!

Online Dating 101: Should I answer his Email?

So you finally mustered up the courage to join an online dating site. You’ve uploaded a few photos, filled in your profile, took the ever so tedious free compatibility test, and after just a few minutes of becoming an active member, you notice you have a new message in your inbox. Now what?!

I have been meeting people online, on and off for the past nine years, and throughout all of my experiences, good and bad, I’ve become a pretty good judge of “online character.”

Below I have listed three requirements that will help you in the decision process as to whether or not that email warrants a response. If at any point a man does not meet a certain requirement, it’s best to just move along to the next email and start all over again. And if he doesn’t pass and you still insist on responding, well, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Requirement #1: Tasteful Username

Their username doesn’t have to be anything out of this world, but if it’s something along the lines of “1HotNight,” chances are that’s all this man is willing to offer. Unless that is what you’re looking for, it would be in your best interest to click on DELETE!

Requirement #2: Decent Subject Line

This too does not have to be extremely complex, but it can most definitely showcase a man’s intentions.
A simple “Nice to meet you” is acceptable, but it doesn’t really show that they have an eagerness to stand out. Ideally you want to focus on the ones that subtly hint that they actually took the time to read your profile; i.e. “I love blogging too!” Now, I’m not saying ignore the ones that only say “Hi,” but consider giving the ones who put in the little extra effort some priority in order of response.

Now if what you find in your inbox is “U like em big Ma?” or “Daaaamn you sexy!” you know off the bat what will be waiting inside. Do not even open that email! You will only be wasting your time and allow your views of online dating to be tainted by a loser!

Requirement #3: An email with substance

Once they have passed requirements 1 and 2 it is safe to read the email, but please consider a few things while doing so: Length, grammar, tone and personalization.

You don’t want an initial email that’s way too short, and you don’t want one that’s excruciatingly long either. You also want to be sure that he can spell correctly and understand the proper placement of punctuation marks. This proves that they are educated and that they pay attention to detail which is a very admirable trait for a man to have.

Analyze their tone in the email. Are they coming off as insecure by saying “I’ve never really done this before..” or “I know I probably don’t have a chance with you, but..,” or are they coming off completely arrogant with something similar to “Write me back if you think you can handle it.” What you want is a happy medium; A man who displays confidence in himself, but is far from arrogant.

And lastly, there has to be at least some level of personalization. There’s nothing more annoying to me than wasting my time reading an email that is generic and has probably been sent out to a thousand other women. That email must include at least one sentence that specifically mentions something that was written on your profile.

Once a man has passed those three key requirements it is safe to respond to their email. At this point, how you choose to do so is completely up to you.

Make sure you don’t respond to anyone in an “interested” manner if you are not actually sure you’d be interested. Inspect their photos and their profile and see if they would be the type of person you’d consider getting to know. If they aren’t, you can at least thank them for reaching out to you, explain they aren’t what you’re looking for and that you wish them the best of luck on their search.

It may suck to receive a rejection email, but I believe it is much worse to be ignored when you know you sent out a perfectly good email.

This entry was originally posted by me at Singles Warehouse

The world of online dating…

25 Sep

Like most things that were once considered to be taboo, online dating is now old hat.  However, as socially accepted as it now is, there are still a lot of naysayers who love to bash the concept and  try to convince you that it’s still as dangerous and ineffective as it was in the 90’s.

Personally, I’ve been online dating for a few years now…Actually, come to think of it, the first time I ended up dating someone I met online was when I was 17.  Now, at 26, I can say that I’ve definitely learned the ins and outs of online dating and can genuinely see all of the pros and cons, from an experienced point of view.

Argument #1:  You never know if what they are telling you online is true!

This is definitely correct.  There really is no way of knowing if what these people are telling you online is true or not.  But then again, that guy/girl you met at the bar last night could quite possibly be just as creative and insincere as the person you just met online.  It’s a gamble either way!  You just need to be aware of this, stick to your gut instincts and keep track of the things this person tells you.  Over time ask the same questions again and see if you get consistent answers.  Consistency is key!

Argument #2:  A lot of people post fake pictures or really old pictures from when they were younger and better looking!

Again, this can also be true, and thanks to this I’ve learned to NEVER meet a potential  date in person until you’ve managed to get a totally recent photo of them.  You can do this like so: After you’ve shared enough emails and feel like you quite possibly could connect on a deeper level, give them your phone number but tell them to only text you.  After a few texts, ask them what kind of phone they have.  Once you’re assured their phone model has a camera (because some people lie and say their phones don’t have cameras) ask them to take a picture of themselves and send it to you right then and there.  Make it funny though, so that they don’t feel like you’re playing too hard of an investigator.  Ask them to hold 3 fingers up in the photo or to hold a piece of paper up with a funny word on it so you know that it is absolutely recent and shot just for you.  Once you’re assured they are the same person you saw online and that they’re not actually 10yrs older or 100lbs heavier and you still feel that good vibe, then go ahead and give them a call and go from there.  If they in any way avoid taking a recent picture for you, suggest web caming, and if they still can’t follow through DROP THEM!

Argument #3:  How do you know they are seriously looking for a relationship and not just sex?

There’s no way of knowing what is going on in anyone’s head.  This goes for both the people you meet online and the people you meet in person by chance.  One thing I can say from experience is, if what you’re looking for is a relationship, you should probably weed out the lower quality websites.  Most men wont pay a fee on sites such as Match.com or eHarmony if they aren’t seriously seeking a partner.  From personal experience I’ve noticed that people on paid websites have much better quality profiles, where they express themselves and what they are looking for in a much deeper level.  They also tend to be more picky themselves and move a little slower in regards to when they want to meet you in person.  I’ve also noticed that these men tend to be the higher quality dates and are a lot more respectful and even understanding if you later feel that you guys just don’t connect on that level.

Free dating sites such as POF (Plenty of Fish) are a complete free-for-all.  It doesn’t cost anything so anyone can join and not think twice about what the site is actually supposed to be for.  You may occasionally come across a person that is genuinely seeking a serious relationships, but the all around number and quality of emails I’ve received there  all lead me to believe that this site is a little more for the men and women who would much rather have a casual encounter of the sexual kind.

Argument #4: If they found you online who’s to say they wont meet other people online while you’re together?

The chances of these men/women cheating on you are just as high as any other.  Just because you didn’t meet someone online doesn’t mean they don’t know how to use the internet.  All people pose the same threats and we’re all facing the same risks when entering into a new relationship.  Welcome to the world of dating!  It’s life!  Sometimes you find a good one, sometimes you don’t!

**An added benefit for women**

For the most part, we have all been raised thinking that men have to be the initiators in a courtship and have thick enough skin (for the most part) to withstand rejection.  One thing I can honestly say that is a definite bonus to online dating (for both sexes) is that women have become more daring and have been taking on the initiator role as well.  Where a woman would be too embarrassed to approach a man in person or just be extremely terrified of rejection, they feel a lot more safe in doing so online.  Instead of facing public humiliation, at worst they may receive an email saying “Thanks, but I don’t think you’re really my type” or their advance may be ignored. No harm, no foul! No embarrassment and no hurt feelings!

So, to summarize everything stated above, online dating can indeed be risky, but not more or less than meeting someone while out and about or through friends.  It does come with it’s own warning label, but if you play your cards right and keep your wits about you, you will be just fine.  If you’ve been thinking about joining an online dating site and have been afraid, don’t be.  Give it a shot!  You never know who you may meet on there who’s path you may have never crossed in person otherwise.